


but i've set my whole heart on trying

by shybear_styles



Series: i know you been lost, i'm glad you got found [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: But we still love him, Charles is Sad, How Do I Tag This, M/M, but he's still sad, even though i wanted to punch him when i wrote this, max is a bit dumb sometimes, the leclercs and charlotte are supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shybear_styles/pseuds/shybear_styles
Summary: He knows he's acting like a jealous boyfriend right now, but he can't find it in himself to care.
Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Max Verstappen
Series: i know you been lost, i'm glad you got found [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026049
Comments: 2
Kudos: 88





	but i've set my whole heart on trying

**Author's Note:**

> I became the person who works through their feelings by writing so here, have this piece I wrote on Sunday after That Picture surfaced. This doesn't work as a second chapter to the first part of this series, but it also doesn't stand alone, so it is for now the second and final part of it. I might write something else, depending on future events of the 2020 season, but I'm not planning anything right now.
> 
> I have no explanation for this. Absolutely none. If you don't like it, blame Kamila for saying this was good.

Charles is lying in bed in his apartment in Maranello and messing around on his phone after spending the day with Charlotte and Lorenzo at the Imola track to support Arthur's final race of the weekend when he sees it: a picture of Max in a club with random people, pretty much bent over some girl who looks like a model and with his arm around her waist.

Charles' immediate reaction is to zoom in on Max's face to try and figure out if it is an old picture; he's really hoping that it'll be one of those things when someone in the internet stumbles across a picture from months before and people go crazy over it until they realize that it isn't recent. He can't quite figure it out, so the logical next step is to see what people on Twitter are saying about it.

He looks around and finds a tweet showing a post from the girl's Instagram where she seems to be wearing the same clothes, dated October 31st and Charles is very confused. They were in the middle of a race weekend that day and he finds it hard to believe that Max broke the quarantine bubble just to go out with someone the night before a race… Which means that the pictures are from before that.

Before he knows it, he's stalking pretty much every single person who's commented or posted anything related to that picture and finds an honestly embarrassing comment left by Max in one of her pictures from two weeks ago, just a few days before the race in Turkey and the moment that Charles stupidly believed had changed their relationship.

He knows he's acting like a jealous boyfriend right now, but he can't find it in himself to care. There's an ugly feeling building in his chest that only gets worse when he thinks about the time they spent together on Sunday night and then on Monday, getting breakfast and flying back to Monaco. Things had been tense between them at first with Charles trying to subtly flirt and work up the courage to kiss Max, while the other boy, as he would find out in the plane, was lost in his own head thinking that the previous night had been a result of disappointment and alcohol only.

It reached a breaking point at some point during the flight when Max awkwardly began saying that they could forget what had happened the night before if it made Charles uncomfortable and things could go back to normal between them and ended with the Monégasque rising from his seat, leaning over and planting a kiss on Max's lips to shut him up.

Things escalated quickly after that and before long, they were making out right there with Charles straddling Max and coming dangerously close to popping a full boner, Max not very far from it from what he could feel.

The Dutchman, however, suddenly tensed beneath him and pulled back.

"Wait, Charles… Don't you have a girlfriend?" It was hard to focus on his words when his voice sounded like _that,_ rough and a little breathless from their activities, and his face flushed, but eventually they registered in Charles' brain.

"Not really… Charlotte and I have an, arrangement, I think it's the word." He replied and moved back a little so they weren't pressed together anymore, taking his hands off the other boy. "I realized some time ago that I like men a lot more than I like women, but no matter how far it's come, Formula 1 isn't the kind of sport that would welcome a bisexual or gay driver with open arms, specially considering some of the places that we race in… Not to mention the fact that I'm a Ferrari driver and Italy isn't very welcoming to gay people. Charlotte has been my friend for a long time and, when I told her about me, she said she would act as my girlfriend in front of people to help me keep up appearances."

The Ferrari driver felt slightly awkward telling this to the other boy while sitting on his lap, but he was afraid that getting up would ruin this moment beyond repair. So he stayed where he was, looking at Max's face and watching as he processed what he'd just heard.

"So the two of you aren't together?" Max asked hesitantly.

"No, we are not. I'm not with anyone right now." He probably put too much emphasis on 'anyone', but one can never be too careful with this kind of conversation.

"Oh, okay." The Dutchman smiled softly at him and didn't say anything else.

"Well… Are _you_ with anyone right now?" Charles asked expectantly, silently hoping for a no.

"No, no, I'm single. I broke up with Dilara a few months ago, you know that."

Charles probably didn't hide his relieved sigh as well as he wanted, but he didn't care about it much.

Which brings him back to now, feeling like a cheated on lover even though they didn't do anything other than kiss after that conversation or saw each other again after the car that picked them up from the airport dropped him off at home. They texted plenty of times and Charles even got a shirtless picture from Max after one of his workout sessions that left the Monégasque feeling a little hot under his shirt and he was _certain_ that their moments together had meant something to Max… Clearly he was wrong.

He sulks in his room for some time until Lorenzo comes in to tell him that dinner is ready. He doesn't really feel like eating, but hiding in his room will only make his brothers and Charlotte worry and nag him until he talks to them, which is the last thing he wants right now, so he plasters on a fake smile and follows his brother to the dining room.

None of them are fooled by his act, but they're gracious enough to wait until after dinner to start on the questions.

"So, are you going to tell us what's gotten you looking like a kicked puppy or do we have to pry it out of you?" Charlotte starts, as he knew she would.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm always like this." He replies and starts collecting their plates to try and distract them.

"Okay, you want to try again? And stop doing that, we all know you hate doing the dishes more than anything in the world." Arthur scolds him and slaps his hand away from the glasses.

Charles moves as if to slap him back, but Lorenzo puts an arm between them.

"Don't start, we have more important things to focus on than the two of you rolling around on the floor. Charles," Oh boy, it's the big brother voice. "Tell us what happened, you were fine when we got home."

"It's nothing, okay? I'm just being stupid about something and I know it is stupid, so if you could just leave me alone, that would be nice." 

"Ooooh, is it a guy?" Charlotte asks with interest and leans forward. "Wait, is it _Max?_ " 

"MAX?" Both his brothers yell and Charles is seriously considering running and locking himself in his room until they have to leave tomorrow. Maybe even after that.

"As in, Max _Verstappen?_ Your lifelong enemy and object of affection Max?" Arthur's voice is filled with surprise, but soon enough a smirk appears on his face. "Big bro, did you finally confess your undying love for Max? Did you fuck? Was it bad and now you're heartbroken because you're in love with a guy that's bad in bed?"

"Arthur, for God's sake…" Lorenzo starts, placing a hand in his forehead.

"Don't be dumb, he wouldn't get sad out of nowhere if it was because of that." Charlotte reprimands him and looks back at Charles. "Did you guys talk and he said something to you? You can tell us, Charlie." 

"No, we didn't talk. Not now, at least… But we talked when we were together on Monday and I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said no, but I just saw some things on Twitter about him and this model and I'm pretty sure he lied to me, but that's fine because we're not together or anything like that, so I have no reason to be upset about him being with someone else." Maybe if he repeats it enough times, he'll believe it.

"Of course you have a reason to be upset about it!" Arthur exclaims, affronted. "If he was leading you on while having someone on the side, then you _should_ be upset. More than that, you should call him and tell him to go fuck himself, because he doesn't deserve you."

All three of them stare at Arthur in shock after he finishes his rant and he just looks right back at them.

"While I agree with the principle of what Arthur said, I think that before you insult Max you should probably ask him about the things you saw. We all know that you can't blindly trust what people write online…" Lorenzo says, in his usual big brother wisdom.

"But what if it is true?" Charles feels very much like the kicked puppy that Charlotte called him, but he can't really help it. 

"Then you tell him to go fuck himself and move on with your life." Enzo replies like it is just that simple to move on from a years long crush.

The Ferrari driver doesn't reply and Charlotte steps forward to hug him, being followed by both his brothers. He soaks in their attention and care for a while, before excusing himself and going back to his room. He'll probably get an hour alone before Enzo decides to get ready for bed; he's sharing the room with Charles while Charlotte sleeps in the guest bedroom and Arthur, being the smallest, is stuck on the couch.

He thinks about texting Max, but can't bring himself to do it today. Tomorrow, he promises, he'll do it tomorrow.

\----

He doesn't do it the next day. Or the day after that.

In fact, he completely ignores Max's texts and even a couple of calls for almost three days, until he comes back from a run on Wednesday morning, a few hours before he has to get on a plane to go to Bahräin, to find the Dutchman standing in front of his building. He's wearing a mask and a cap, nothing from Red Bull, so Charles only realizes it is him when it's too late to turn around and run in the other direction without being obvious. He still considers doing it, just to avoid what is going to be a very awkward and probably painful conversation, but Max beats him to it.

"I was starting to think that you were dead." Is what he says, voice flat. "But I guess that you were just hiding from me."

"Can we not do this here?" Charles sighs. "Anyone can see and hear us, come upstairs."

Max doesn't say anything in response, but he follows Charles as he enters the building and makes his way to the elevator and then to his door. He holds it open for Max, takes off his mask, leaves his shoes by the door and walks towards the kitchen. He asks if the other boy wants anything after he takes off his own mask, but he declines.

Charles takes his time washing his hands and drinking some water, trying to brace himself for what comes next.

"I apologize for ignoring you." He starts with and immediately feels bad for apologizing. He's not the wrong one here. "But I didn't know how to talk to you and wanted to avoid this moment for as long as possible."

"Why?" Max's voice is confused. "Did I do something to upset you?" At Charles' scoff, he raises both eyebrows in surprise. "What was that for?"

 _"That_ was for you having the nerve to ask if you did something to upset me. I don't know Max, do you think I should be upset about the fact that you told me that you're not seeing anyone right now and, not even a week later, I see that you were out being _friendly_ with some model and leaving some very cringey comments on her pictures on Instagram?" The satisfaction the Monégasque gets from the chagrined look on Max's face doesn't last longer than a few seconds and he sighs, his shoulders sagging as he tries to rein his feelings back in. "I know that we're not together and I have no right to be mad at you for that, but I am. I was upset that you lied to me and I didn't know how to talk to you about it, so…" He shrugs, not really knowing how to continue.

"I'm sorry. I have no idea who posted that picture and I didn't even think that you might have seen it…" When Charles just stares blankly at him, he continues. "And that is not the point here, I know. I said that I'm not seeing anyone because that is the truth, I swear. Yes, I was hooking up with that girl for a while, but it was never anything serious and we called it off when I arrived in Turkey and she told me that she was getting back with an old boyfriend." Max sounds sincere, but Charles doesn't really know what to think. "And you have every right to be mad at me… I would, if I was in your place."

They stay silent after that, just looking at each other. Charles tries to think of something, but his mind is blank; all he can feel is relief that Max didn't lie to him, mixed with some lingering discomfort over how he reacted.

"Can I touch you?" Max asks softly, taking a step forward.

"I'm all sweaty from my run."

"I don't mind." He replies, coming even closer and stopping in front of the Ferrari driver. When Charles nods, Max raises a hand to cup his face. "I'm sorry that I upset you. I never meant to do that." 

"I'm sorry for ignoring you. I just felt really stupid for getting so worked up when we're not even dating." He mumbles.

"Do you want to change that?" The Dutchman asks him and he blinks, not understanding what he means. "The fact that we're not dating, do you want to change that?"

"You want to date me?" Charles' voice gets a little high with his shock.

"Who wouldn't want to date you, Charles?" Max sounds a little fond, his thumb coming up to touch the corner of Charles' mouth and the Monégasque can feel his brain stop. "We get along well as friends, we've established that we're attracted to each other and I think we could be good together."

"What if it doesn't work out?" And that's the thing that's kept Charles from saying anything about his feelings for the other boy for the longest time; they built a tentative friendship over the past couple of years and it would destroy Charles to have it fall apart just because they couldn't work as a couple. He can't lose anyone else in his life, permanently or just to the circumstances of life.

"How about we try it first?" Max asks him, his voice as gentle as the thumb grazing Charles' face. "When are you leaving for Bahräin?"

"A little after lunch." Charles' heart is racing in his chest.

"How about we get lunch together then?" A small smile appears on Max's face. "We can go somewhere nearby, talk and just take it day by day… What do you say?"

"You're far more confident than you were a week ago… What happened?" 

"Well, I spent the last couple of days thinking that I'd lost any chance with you without ever really trying something and it made me think about what I want."

"And what do you want?" Charles asks the other boy, feeling a lot bolder now that he knows that he's not the only one who wants something more than a casual hook-up.

"You." Max says, like it's the simplest thing in the world and Charles can't do anything but surge forward and press their lips together, feeling Max's arms encircling his waist and pulling him closer.


End file.
